If you’re like me, you have to keep reminding yourself that the wolf is NOT at the door. With all the horrific stories in the media and the stresses in our world today, it’s no wonder we are having moments of not functioning well. If you’re like me, you might go to bed, reliving the stressful incidents of the day and perhaps the economic, political or environmental issues that affect us either directly or tangentially. Some of us can create incredibly dark scenarios in our minds because we live in a complex world where all our buttons can be easily pushed.
Children certainly push our buttons and we often don’t know how to shake off the negative emotions we are left with. It’s a rich territory when we look at the landscape of our thoughts and this applies to situations which cause anxiety between parent and child or even with our partners. In order to have more harmony on a consistent basis one needs to do it gently and gradually. ‘Ask and It Is Given’ is a New York Times bestselling book written by Esther & Jerry Hicks. It is a book I highly recommend and is about us “asking” and being answered by All-That-Is. That may sound like a riddle but the book is primarily about how whatever we’re asking for, ie: harmony in family relationships, is being given to us and there are ways to ask and then receive. As most of us will admit, we do create our own reality and no one else does! We create our own reality in any given situation even if you don’t understand how we do it. For that reason, we often create by default. As Esther and Jerry Hicks tell us, “When you are consciously aware of your own thoughts and you are deliberately offering them, then you are the deliberate creator of your own reality.“
You ask through your attention and through your desire. You don’t have to use words. You just have to feel it in your being. By paying attention to your emotions, you can understand every experience you are having whether good or bad.
One way I’ve learned to help myself with any issue that weighs heavily, which saddens me, makes me angry or anxiety ridden is to journal at the end of the day. This seems to expunge the negative emotional charge and gives me more clarity on how and why I reacted as I did.
I have also learned a most helpful technique. The minute I have a negative thought, and we have plenty during the course of the day because we’re human, I immediately replace it with a positive thought and keep dwelling on the positive thought for at least 30-45 seconds because it is shown in the study of neuro-plasticity that new neurons are created within that span of time. Also, thinking of a positive experience or happy moment immediately raises your frequency. Quantum physics tells us we are just particles of energy bouncing against each other, and that energy can vary from high or low by what we are thinking.; that we attract situations to us that meet the energy we are expelling or sending out. This is certainly an important technique to teach to your child if he’s old enough to grasp the concept.
Our genetic blue-print also determines our basic matrix of behavior. The experiences we have reinforce our self-image for good or bad. The truth is, we mentally self-talk into what we believe true about ourselves and the self-talk turns into self-fulfilling prophesies. We will only accept the input that reinforces our self-image which is really a lie. Then, we begin to act out the roles as if they it were true. As an example, if a child is told he/she is wrong or incorrect too many times, they’ll learn the self- talk, “I don’t do it well which then becomes, “I can’t do it. This thought will escalate to “I won’t do it.”
When we move this concept into the school system, how children perform results from the self-image they’ve created; what they believe to be true. If the image of self is that of a poor reader, then they’ll continue to read poorly.Same thing with spelling.
To take it a step further, not being able to read or write is very humiliating. Because we don’t want anyone to know, we try to avoid it and go to great lengths not to be put in a position which reveals this deficit. Worse, I found as a teacher that kids try to cover their tracks and deny the emotional embarrassment. They often “act out” by being tough or a loner, or dumb. Then, the assumption for the child is, everyone knows how dumb I am, so there’s no need to hide it. I’ll just give up and get dumber. This line of behavior often carries into adulthood. But, it doesn’t have to. When understanding our behavioral traits, we can live at our best and deepen relationships with ourselves and others.